Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
