glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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