I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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