We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
