Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
