I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Two words: blizzard sex
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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