Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
