what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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