Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
