when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
