I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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