I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
