i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
