Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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