I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
