Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
