College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
