he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
