Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
