I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
