Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Do vagina's smell?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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