Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
