let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
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