I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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