VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
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Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
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We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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