I got chris browned last night
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
