It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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