i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I think my vagina is haunted
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
