She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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