there was a trapeze. enough said
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
