I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
