____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
