I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
