I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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