i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
