I accidentally had phone sex last night
I looked at my own cervix.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
