I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
