Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
