There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
