Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
