I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
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