I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It was like getting head from an anaconda
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
