I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
