I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
