and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
