bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
