just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
