Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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