upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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