i permit you to call me
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
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Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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