im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
