So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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