This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize