you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
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Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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