Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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