I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize