You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
