There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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