I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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