Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
