I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
At least life still wants to fuck me.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
