Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
