question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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