just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
