Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
