John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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