Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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