If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You are the jesus of drinking
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
